I've been wondering why I seem to do next to no needlework these days and also thinking about why, if I'm interested in a subject and have lots of books etc on it, do I just leave them on the shelf when I have some free time and just read an easy novel etc instead? Also, since I've been out here, I've done only one piece of artwork (the butterfly you can see at the top of the blog), despite having brought lots of art pencils and a quantity of new, artists' quality watercolours and 2 of my favourite art books. I've come to the conclusion that, without a definite focus, I don't do stuff.I think it's safe to say that many of us do more when we have a reason to, or a deadline for something, and I seem to have an outsized case of this. I remember saying on-blog some months (even years) ago, that there was to be no more 'obligation stitching', ie that I wasn't going to make something for everyone's event etc anymore, but since that came into force, so to speak, I simply haven't stitched much! What I have done has been mostly for other people anyway, or for things I've got planned for our new home later this year. Although I have lots of ideas, unless I have a reason to do them, they'll go no further.
I realise this may sound like 'not doing anything for myself', or something like that, but it isn't that at all. I just don't have the desire or motivation to do something I don't see a final destination or purpose for. So, whilst I'm interested in lots of languages, I only get on with learning one if I'm either going to classes, or have an up-coming trip where I need that language. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I had lots of penpals and I would write in their language wherever possible, so that provided another motivation.
So, it looks like I'm going to have to take City & Guilds courses again and/or start stitching gifts and cards en masse again in order to produce any work!!! I wondered if I was actually losing interest in the art and craft of embroidery etc, but I don't think I am. I've just nothing to focus it on - no brief to work to (as with C&G samples and pieces), or no person to create for (as with gift pieces). Ditto the artwork. I did some encouraging stuff for my C&G, but have only done one piece in the year since. So, I really do want to do those Open College of the Arts courses as I know it's the only thing that will provide sufficient of both instruction and focus for me to develop as an artist. I was thinking about a stitched piece I planned to work for my mum the other day and, yes, I was interested in doing that and I can see myself getting down to it, but finishing the goldwork, which has no end purpose other than I like the design, is going to be harder to achieve.
Language and other interests-wise, there's the wonderful Open University and it's BA(Hons) in Modern Language Studies (German & Spanish, I think for me) and their BSc(Hons) in Environmental Studies for the budding scientist and eco-warrier in me!!
All in all, a very useful piece of information I've gained about myself. All that remains now is to put it to good use.=)
DH and I have decided that, owing to my continuing health problems here (I keep getting bug after cold after virus and am remaining badly run down because of it) and my being rather homesick as well, we will be going back home after the scholarship period is up in August - as originally planned. We're going to Japan in July for a break and then home in late August via Korea (for more tourism - so 2 languages to have a purpose for!!), then DH's mum's in southern Germany (to catch up with her and recover from jet-lag in the lovely high, clean air where she lives), then back to normal life. So, before we leave, I'd better get this field mouse design finished and sewn up into a cushion/pillow cover!! At least that one is for someone, so there is motivation to get on with it, even if the deadline is more than 3 months away....
Anyone else have this kind of situation, with needing focus and distinct motivation, by the way? I'd be interested to know your thoughts and experiences. There are few things more interesting than the human being.=)
Added in later on after first 3 comments: Please don't think that I'm upset, anxious or feeling guilty about any of the above, as I'm not at all! I'm just interested in finding how I work best.=)
